There is no point in doing that anymore, thank the Lord!  From now on, 99% of us logically-inclined people can sit back and let the much stupider percentage do all the work, and we’ll all split the income!  Even Steven!  I mean, what’s the use in working if you’re gonna get taxed at the new average rate of 10,000%?  So consider yourself officially retired – Hooray!  I’d throw confetti at your face right now if I was there with you.  Let the good times roll!  Freedom has arrived!  You should get another tv and have 5 more babies.  We’ve got you covered.

2.  Feel free to get sick and injured as much as you want.  Knock yourself out.  Literally!

Prior to our new awesome communist – I mean socialist – society, people had reasonable incentive to stay healthy.  If you didn’t … you would have to pay for medical care.  Well we all know that paying our own personal money to health professionals who give their very lives to serve us is absolutely absurd.  It should be free!  The nerve of those doctors.  Getting paid for saving lives??  Well never fear – help is on the way.  Universal health care will ensure that doctors make no more than car mechanics and suck at healing people totally because only a complete dumb ass would go to school for 8 years to earn minimum wage and have Uncle Sam for a boss.  But that’s ok.  I mean, how much is a human worth really?  We’re just overgrown monkeys, right?  Haha! 

Bad news — >  Universal health care involves the government running the health care industry. 

Let me ask you a personal question … on a pain scale from 1 to 10 … How much do you enjoy sitting at the DMV (a.k.a. "Satan’s Armpit")?  Ok … now multiply that pain by about seventy thousand times or so.  That is your new doctor visit.

But it’s worth it.  It’s FREE!  Like all things should be!  And don’t worry … there will be tv’s there for you to watch.  They will have rabbit ears since the government feels bad for the poor people who can’t afford the digital conversion, but rest assured … they will be there tuned to MSN for your brainwashing enjoyment.

3.  Stop smiling.

This one is really important. 

Have you ever been to the U.K.?  Neither have I.  But I assure you, no one is smiling there.   Not just because of all the bad attitudes either.  They’re not smiling on account of the captives, I mean citizens, pull their own teeth instead of submitting themselves to the far greater torture of the current socialist health care system.  I’m serious.  Google it.

I just googled "Britain" and this came up first …

As a matter of fact, if you’re about to do something freely, stop and ask yourself, "has Obama given me strict instructions to do this?" God forbid you try and think without someone’s help.  What are you trying to be a hero or something??  Put the cape away, Superman.  And make sure to pay the new "Cape Tax" too. 

It’s such a pain to try and decide who you should be charitable to on a year to year basis.  Luckily for you, the government is going to do this FOR you!  You no longer have a choice!  Freedom is overrated anyways.  So now, instead of giving to churches, missionaries, and starving kids in Africa, the government will simply steal your money and give it to lazy people!

Are you finally starting to see the beauty in all this? 

And don’t worry, these same beneficiaries have PLENTY of tv’s in their homes.  No need to go above and beyond.  Just let the government handle it.  Clearly they’ve proven they know how to handle money.  

5.  Start wearing camouflage.  

You’re going to be wanting to hide in the bushes once America fully loses her mind and goes social/commie on us.  Because people like my friends and I simply will not be able to tolerate it.  There will be blood.  Yes … there will be blood. 

Make sure your camo matches the bushes.  Don’t be donning Desert Storm-Style gear in a green bush.  We’ll see you.  And slay you.